a few days late...but still thankful

Thanksgiving was pretty much lovely. Jeff and I hosted and though we missed Grandpa Johnston and my brother Mike we hope to have both visit Colorado sometime soon.

Thanks to everyone for the company, the wine and the conversation... My cousin Alex made a particularly tasty pecan pie that was devoured.

We were too busy eating to take pictures of the food but here are a few shots of the fall atmosphere inside our home. No matter how my tastes change these autumn hues and tones will always resonate with me...

still here...still dreaming

I am still here, somewhere. I am getting through my last week of classes and finishing up my first quarter of my grad program...yes!

My mood has been low and faltering and I realize what I need to do is let go...

Letting go is never easy for me because I cling to thoughts and feelings obsessively.

Right now I have a huge desire to create and I am about to be gifted an abundance of time so the challenge is to use it.

I am definitely still here and will bring new creations to the table as quickly as I can make them happen.

happy...november?

This year has flown by and the years seem to be going by faster each time...I was in a sugar induced deep sleep last night so I didn't post our rushed but lovely little halloween time together. The older I get the more I wish we had a little one around to share the fun...and bring some magic back into this season.


Despite that I love halloween and had fun with Jeff hanging out at home


We carved pumpkins in record time and the seeds are still drying...

I glittered my gourd-geous gourd...

Sassy!

Made some green cupcakes...thanks Betty Crocker!

and dressed like Wayne as an excuse to wear jeans to work...and because dressing up is fun!

love...all of us.

Michael made this oh-so lovely video after capturing  many quiet  and profound snapshots of our family spending time with our Grandmother...You can also view it here.

I knew I wanted to travel to Arizona see my Grandmother for a while.  It was important for me to go and for my mother to as well. I know how very difficult it is for her...how can it not be?Though there is sadness, pain and so much heartache surrounding the decline of my lovely Granny Kay, Katherine Johnston, we have so much to celebrate as well, the love and the lasting effects of her beautiful life...

I will celebrate my mother, my lovely aunts and my uncle, and the memory of my uncle Patrick so vividly described by my mother which allows me to celebrate him too.

I will celebrate my brother the most incredible person I know and my gorgeous cousins.


I will celebrate all of the wonderful partners we have in our lives that support us and cherish us as we all should be cherished. Family is not always bound by blood but formed by love...


I will celebrate my Grandfather, Mister Mike...the bravest man in my sight today. My heart breaks for him but also sings at the thought of his infinite memories of his wonderful wife.

And I will celebrate the moments. Seeing my Grandmother's sweet brown eyes and those same eyes reflected in the family, holding her hands, The Bean drawing Grandma in her wheelchair...spending time with my family and hearing all of the stories of the before and the now. 


I will hold these moments  inside, locked tight like a memory that doesn't always speak but simply knows, without a doubt, the love that resides within a family born from a promise, a wife, a mother, a grandmother...a heart within our hearts forever.

I knew you

A pocket of time was stitched

a hole settled in the soft fabric

threads loosened

and time slipped out

slowly

I caught it in my my head

like a memory

A drop of time was spattered

a silken piece fell in eyelashes

rested quietly

and rolled down

your face

I held it in my hand

a reflection

your smile

always inside this threadbare place

dear granny kay

oh, actually it is fall

I love looking out my window to see these colors. Soon they will be gone and I'll be sad until a pristine white blankets the earth, even if it's just for a few moments. 


I just got back from a trip to Arizona to see my grandfather and visit my grandmother and it turned into a mini family reunion, full of both joy and sadness, beauty and heartbreak all wrapped up into one tight package that I will carry with me always. I plan to write about the experience sometime soon and share some photographs that Mike and I  took of moments with our Granny Kay. For now, I am thrown back into my world of school work although I plan to take breaks to watch the shifting of the seasons through my windows.


I have a lot flowing through my mind and my heart is so heavy it's very full; my heart is pulling me down into this space that makes me want to snuggle up in the sweater weather and cry awhile.


I wrote the following poem in high school and it is curled up inside my mind today...


Under falling leaves
safe inside my shadowed space


Gaze past the starlit sky
into white moonlight on my face


While I dream of times passed by


Soft blur of orange drift past my eyes
melding red and golden hue


Beauty sought to help disguise
memory of my knowing you


Breath like haze, fills numbing air


Blue color floods pink fingertips
As I simply stay and stare


Remember honey from your lips. 

its almost...christmas!

Well, not really but it's something I say to Jeff every year as a joke and to start to express the child-like excitement for the autumn feeling merging into all of the charming winter holidays. Autumn is my absolute favorite time and I wish it was a constant state all year, kind of brisk but still sunny with all of the colors popping out as the green fades away. And Halloween is coming up fast. I love that day and all of the childhood joy it conjures up. The magic, the scariness and of course...the candy. This year it's been pretty hot up until last week so the fall feeling hasn't quite hit me full force, not enough to make me bust out the Waldo costumes and the candy corn. (who am I kidding, we had our first bag of candy corn back in September)

Today we actually had our first little bit of snow.

It made me think of Christmas ornaments...one of my goals was to paint ornaments by November in hopes of selling some this year. Guess what...it's October 8th and not an ornament has been purchased or painted. Whoops.

It's okay though, I have been busy with school and living life...my goals were hard and fast and I am still working to accomplish some of them and trying not to beat myself up too much if I don't finish everything. Change is in my blood and throughout the year some of my goals shifted. I took on new projects and ideas and my goals changed him some ways.

There is still time left in the year and I hope to make the best of it. 

I kick the leaves in the driveway every time I walk into the house, noticing how many more fall and cover the ground each day. You would think it would worry me but I just smile and sigh and get back to...life.

Oh, and I swear I'll get my Christmas cards done by Thanksgiving...that's a goal :-)

art in natural light