FRAME! I'm gonna live forever..

Before

apple red seems like a nice color...

After

I cannot wait to fill all of these frames.

“If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies”

I really enjoy change and movement in lot of different ways. Sometimes things in life start to feel uncomfortable to me and I get restless so I need to shake them up a little bit. Sometimes things feel great but I just want something different.

 I do take comfort in the familiar and I enjoy stability in my life...but the artistic energy inside of me thrives on evolving and altering the "old" to make something new. I do this at times with my paintings. I had painted this fun butterfly painting and I admired how pretty and whimsical it was...but the more I looked at it, it felt like it was lacking something...no, not lacking something...it just wasn't the right idea that I had in mind when I painted the background originally. So I decided to change it. 

I heart my journal

oh yes, I have had many a journal over the years. I have kept most of them, especially the ones I wrote diligently in through high school and my first year of college. Mysteriously I stopped writing my feelings in a journal when I was nineteen and starting dating Jeff...before that I must have had a lot to bitch about!

It is fun and silly and kind of sort of embarrassing to read old entries. Some are touching, others tragically over dramatic and some just plain sad. I have had a few sad moments in my life and I managed to chronicle those with a great intensity. There are also some moments that were just too hard to bear with and I never had the strength to write them down. I guess I never wanted to give those feelings a face and a name, even tucked away inside my private diary.

I have had journals of my poetry and journals where I wrote down other writers poetry and things that just spoke to me, things I wanted to remember. I have had journals full of pictures and bits and pieces I either collected or were given to me by friends.

I have had journals where I detailed everything I ate, what I weighed and my exercise, one I kept for almost a year. I threw it away because I didn't want a physical reminder of recording that kind of thing. Not saying it's a bad thing to do...just not the best thing for me.

I have a journal where I write things I want to include in my novel, little thoughts or phrases that form sentences and eventually inspire chapters or character actions essential to the story. I started writing potential song lyrics in there too.

I had a journal that was a notebook between me and one of my childhood friends Katie. We elevated the high school note writing to notebook status and wrote each other back and forth all year long. I was always so excited to see what she wrote me that day.

I decided I needed something like that for Jeff when we were dating and not living in the same city. We have a little journal full of notes and silly drawings, poems and thoughts between each other.


I have had many sketchbooks that doubled as journals because along with drawings I included scraps of other inspirational types of things and sometimes notes about what I was thinking or feeling at the time.


I have journals detailing trips I took, one special one from my life changing, thought altering alternative spring break in Chicago. 

Other than notes for my novel, I stopped writing in a journal for a long time and instead wrote things on pieces of paper. I made lists and reminders to myself. I even taped sticky notes to my phone (I have yet to invest in any kind of awesome phone due to my not answering the one I have) of things I wanted to remember. Some of these scraps of paper ended up folded and quartered and shoved in my purse and a few months ago I found myself digging through them, unfolding them to see what they said. Then I realized I had a new journal, one that Jenn made for me.

It's so pretty and perfect. I came to the realization I needed to start a journal again. Badly. This journal could have everything in it: my art wish list, goals for the week, recipes, reminders, lists and fun thoughts.


I have carried this new journal around with me everywhere. It sits on my desk at work and I find myself flipping it open to write all kinds of things, ideas, questions, new recipes I want to try and personal thoughts. Sometimes I will just glue stick different things in that I think are pretty. It goes in my purse and home with me too. I am learning to never leave home without it.


I especially love the bird cage and the reminder to spread my wings. It always makes me smile. 

noticing things

I was drifting around a little on friday, cleaning up the house and just noticing things. So I grabbed the camera to capture these little moments.

I noticed I hadn't opened my box of books from amazon...books for my classes I'm taking soon. I think they look nice  next to my other inspirations for writing.

I noticed I could see myself in my laptop screen. I also noticed it's really dirty.

I noticed it's my favorite time of day.

and maybe that time of day could help make a great self portrait.

or two...

I finally noticed I had actually half finished my chalking up the word "goals" on my chalkboard wall. Ironic huh?

It's a wonderful thing I have my new-ish journal to keep all of my goals and ideas flowing. Hey, I should talk about my journals...I think I will write about that tomorrow. Enjoy your sunday noticing the little things...

the miracle of life...

we joked a lot about that phrase during Jalaine's long and rough labor but Saturday August 27th, at 4:34pm what I saw can't really be described any other way. Jalaine and Sean welcomed their baby boy, Grady Brendan Colgan into the world yesterday and it was absolutely the most incredible thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life. I feel so happy that she allowed me to be such an intimate part of this special moment in their lives.


Obviously, I totally get how babies are born and how all of that stuff works but nothing really clicked until the moment I saw an actual life coming into this world. It was insane! Beauty and pain wrapped up so closely inside each other it was difficult to distinguish the two. I remember telling Jalaine that this would be the hardest and the best thing she ever did (I can only assume) and I really believe that. I had a new sense of awe for every mother I know, for mine and Jeff's and the two (make that three!) mothers' in Jalaine's delivery room. I felt an overwhelming feeling of love and admiration for women in general and this stunning thing we can achieve with our bodies. I also felt that admiration for the men that love these women...Sean was so sweet and wonderful to Jalaine. I already knew he was a good husband to her and it was so touching to see him on their journey together, celebrating the birth of their son.


I am exhausted so I can only imagine how Jalaine feels. I meant to spend my weekend painting, catching up on all the paint-less days I have missed these past few months. Grady came early so I didn't get the chance to paint but it doesn't matter because there is no way I could have captured with paint the true miracle of a new life. Love you Colgans!

I seem to have fallen behind

long week, I'm exhausted, feeling sickly...excitement on the horizon...got my syllabus for my first graduate class today.


oh, and I love my new bird cage/bird stamp from west elm 

and my new cotton candy body spray...calgon, please take me away.

phases and changes part three: freedom of expression

I did learn pretty quickly what freedom in terms of creation means to me. It means...no brushes unless I feel like it. It means weird sizes that maybe don't always fit the standard frame sizes. (still loving those long human figure like sizes) Sometimes it means no frames and raw canvas. It means spray bottles and squeeze bottles and paper with paint or paint on paper. It means stepping into the box of what is supposed to be "professional" art and stepping right back out again because who wants those rules? I thought art didn't have any rules?


Oh, I have learned a lot. I learned a lot when I was in school studying fine art. I learned from private art lessons and I learned from other artists and I even learned quite a bit working in an art store. I learned from snotty self righteous critiques from self proclaimed "real" artists and I learned from honest helpful and humbling commentary too. I learned when during a senior painting class I randomly painted a bunch of snorkeling and playing in the ocean scenes from my honeymoon and later wondered why on earth did I paint those?! Well, I'm pretty sure I chose that subject because I was remembering a beautiful time and that was okay for that moment in my life.

I am still learning and reaching out to more artists, friends, colleagues and the wonderful world of books and the internet to continuously learn.


I know you shouldn't put glass over canvas and you should use archival mat boards, artist tape, acid free papers and other materials to protect your art. I know about different mediums you can use with paint and what types of brushes give a certain effect. I know certain acrylic paints are a more professional grade and do work better. I know how to clean my brushes and prime my canvas and what is acceptable for framing and hanging work. I know that Yupo paper is amazing.


You know what else I know? I know that sometimes it's okay to buy cheaper paint because that's all I can afford. Guess what, I'm still an artist. I also know that I can add water (free) to virtually all of my paints (even the softer bodies with more flow already) and really extend them to create the effect I want. I have done that with virtually all of my paintings and I find water works better than most of the mediums and extenders sold for that purpose. I'm not knocking all the cool stuff. I love Golden products. However, if I can only put money into my art if I sell art (that's the new reasoning)...for now it's got to be more on the "free" side!


I know I want to sell art but I don't really want to pay for a wall to display it although I am starting to think I might have to. I know my framing skills aren't the best but I can do enough to get by without going the pro route. 


I also know that all those home makeover shows are very fun to watch but they REALLY piss me off when they hand someone a canvas and some wall paint and tell them to make "art". Cool, if you want to try your hand at painting I am all for it. But when you slap some paint that matches your room decor on a board in thirty minutes and call it abstract it makes me want to scream at you to support the local artists in your area. Hey, you might even find someone to donate something if it means showing your work on a popular tv show. You have my number if you want a donation. Oh, and it also really pisses me off when this supposed art actually looks good, just sayin.


I know I love art...I love painting and I still want to crawl into some place warm and dark when I think about showing in galleries or restaurants or anywhere else. Obviously I want to and I am proud to show my work but I'm still always afraid. I'm afraid of the judgement and the explanation and the proof that what I'm doing really is pretty damn good. Did I check all the right boxes? Did I do what I was supposed to do? Does someone think I am also just slapping paint on a board?


Jenn sent me a nice comment about my previous blog on abstract and non-objective art. She enjoyed how I explained the process and I think that's something really important to note when you hear me trashing those decorating shows and their version of creating art work.


Expression comes in so many different ways. I hope you can see it in every line and swirl in my work, whether it is something non-objective or something you can recognize. Thanks for listening to me today. I appreciate everything you have to teach me.