my wings are strong

I first read The Awakening by Kate Chopin when I was in high school. I then read it again in college and fell in love because it really spoke to me as I think it would to most women. It's a tragedy and a triumph, an exploration of a woman and her struggles to recognize herself inside her roles as mother and wife. 


http://www.amazon.com/Awakening-Kate-Chopin/dp/0380002450


A lot of quotes from the book stay with me as I drift and trudge, run and leap and crawl through my own life, learning to grow as a woman, a wife and someday hopefully a mother and of course always as an artist. 


Chopin writes, "The artist must possess the courageous soul that dares and defies"  Yep, totally agree with that. She also said "The bird that would soar above the level plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. It is a sad spectacle to see the weaklings bruised, exhausted, fluttering back to earth." 


Birds serve as a fantastic metaphor...which brings me to the reason for my post today. I think most artists want to express themselves in some way that allows us to bring all of the creative energy that's swirling around inside our brains and hearts outwards (I mean, duh, that's why we CREATE) Those are feelings splattered all over the canvas and my emotions wrapped up in the (fictional?) words of a character that grew out of my own experience. So...that's why I finally got a tattoo. My best friend of fifteen years (wow, we're getting up there!) Sarah Jalaine can attest that I have wanted one for a while and had different ideas of what would be good for me. I finally came to the decision of what I wanted but I'll admit, I was a little scared to actually get it done. Permanent, unchanging, possibly painful...but something that felt really important to me to outwardly express my own private struggles.

Jenn, her hubby Jacob and Jeff (triple J) and I were up in beautiful Fort Collins a few months ago and I decided it was time to get this done...it felt right and felt spontaneous and with Jenn by my side I knew she would give me the confidence to actually do it and know it was a good creative decision.

It's kind of a funny story because the first place we went to is where I suppose I always thought I would end up getting tattooed for the first time. I know Jenn and I and our guys probably just look like yuppy morons to these artists but appearances can be deceiving right? I mean, you don't have to look like some artist portrayed in the movies to actually be one. I doubt these tatted up, pierced to the extreme people suspected they were talking to an abstract artist and a sculptor who do more than shop at the Gap and watch The Hills. Sure, we do those things but we also have deep soul searching philosophical discussions, like to volunteer, don't judge everyone on their appearances, have alternative looks on life and constantly wonder about abstract situations and concepts so there! 

So anyway, we get to the shop and we're trying to explain to the artist who is available what I want. He was being, and sorry to be blunt, a total ass. Not sure if it was because of the aforementioned assumed yuppy moron status or what... He was acting like this request was something extremely complex and that I was unsure of what I wanted because I hadn't made an appointment and didn't have any type of drawing. Well, I always thought good tattoo artists were incredibly talented artists to begin with, as in have excellent drawing skills...this did not seem like an overly complicated request in my own opinion as an artist or a basic human being. I got bad vibes from the dude and decided I didn't want his energy connected with something I was going to have permanently on my body so we decided to go to another place which was the best decision... 

Now I have a simple bird cage on my back... door open...with the bird flying away over my shoulder. Wow, this totally represents my thoughts and feelings on the shape my life has taken. I can safely tell you I hid in a "cage" for a long time. My creative spirit and energy still sits in there, afraid in certain moments. Sometimes my self esteem is there too. This serves as a fabulous reminder that my bird is free and always will be. I just have to allow it the room to really fly and never hide away again.

Big thanks to Jon Sanders for making the process painless (kind of) and fun (tons) Check out his work on his facebook page. facebook.com/TattoosByJon What an incredible artist!

(and it is true...I totally want another one)