messy and beautiful

This time of year is wondrous. The colors, the air, the feelings of something just around the corner

The change.

As summer slips away and the days are darker I feel more at peace. 

 Last week I  couldn't begin to breathe through the pain. Some days are like that. Today is a good day to take a moment, if you can, and pick up some leaves. Or even just pause and look at the landscape, the open fields or the pieces of sky between buildings. If you're in a place where the leaves are beginning to change, admire the greens dissolving into yellows, orange, red. Gaze at the colors and feel the beauty for a moment. If you have a kid and live in a place with falling leaves go collect a few. Make it an adventure. Walk slowly. Skip and gallop. Let them discover the world without being in a hurry for once. 

Breathe in the changing air. 

Do a craft if you feel like getting messy. 

Just take a moment and remember that life is always changing. It's good and it's bad and it's awful and it's mesmerizing and painful and messy and... it's oh, so beautiful.

an easy fall craft: pick up some leaves, grab some paint and paper and create your own tree. No rules, just mess, color and fun. Feel free to ditch the brush and use your hands.

I was going to post about crafting...

I know I'm not alone in feeling discouraged with our country today. This general wave of anger and hate that seems to wash over everything is unsettling, particularly for my introverted tendencies to sit, think and often dwell.

So many people are afraid and hurting. So many people are angry. People are killing. They always have. So many people have no escape. I feel so small. Smaller than usual. 

I often feel like my life is pathetic. I don't feel like I contribute anything to anyone, anywhere. I feel aimless. A shitty parent who can't cope with anything slightly atypical. A bad friend who thinks about my two best friends (and others) and my family more often than I contact them. A bad wife who nags too much. 

I am often silent when I want to rage. I'm afraid to rage because I don't want anyone to judge me. I have a pretty tough shell wrapped in gossamer layers and oh hell, the shell is cracked all over. It's going to explode. 

I am selfish and inane. I am suburban bullshit. I am doing nothing.

I feel like a dot in this mass of existence and the fires are raging around me and all I do is curl into a tiny ball and rouse myself from my semi-medicated state to pick up leaves with my son. I'm the crack in the sidewalk. Why are we all so broken?

I fully intended to post a little collage about doing leaf paintings with my three year old. I planned to write about the small things in life, the beauty in art and nature, how we can overlook some of the pain and do something pretty.

I don't have it in me. 

I feel like a sham.

I'm entitled.

I'm not fighting for my life on either side of this war that has raged for so many for so long. 

This is what poured out of my soul when I sat down to post about crafting in the midst of chaos and hurt. 

But I simply cannot. I'm wallowing in the pain. I know it's not okay and it doesn't make anything better.

I just need to sit and hurt a little in name of everyone who is hurting so much. It feels like nothing but I believe the thoughts are important. 

We should not stop thinking about this. We should not keep thinking this is okay.

We can't. 

What are you thinking about? Tell me. Let's talk.

abc's of the creative mama

My new project is a series of small paintings: the abc's of the creative mama.

These paintings are small for several reasons, the first being lack of time. I also feel like I have a lot of large, weepy, lovely feelings contained within a small space and these small paintings reflect that part of myself. 



A is for awake.

Always awake.

Awake for the baby. Even if the baby is sleeping. Awake for the quietest movement, the worry, the darkness. The light.

Awake and awash in the beauty.

Seeing things through a child's eyes is not a cliche. When my son is experiencing the beauty of something new, it awakens the childlike part of me that is tramped down, that is supposed to stay asleep in this world of work, pay bills, work, exist. In those moments of elation the world is new to me again. 

In my child's moments of sadness, anger, frustration, illness and fear I am also awakened. Sometimes it is so intense I feel like I am barely above water. I'm nearly drowning in all of these swirling emotions, the joy and the pain that is a human being growing and learning how to be a part of this tragic and beautiful world. 

As an artist, I feel hyper aware of the world around me. The hues of nature, a turquoise door, exposed brick walls, flowers growing in unexpected places, ice melting in a black lake, stacks of vivid fruit...the images that awaken me are endless. 

What is a wonderful B word that resonates with the idea of the creative mama? Leave me a comment below with your ideas :-) 

look at this stuff...isn't it neat?

First: an apology and a confession. I was not able to complete the second part of my project I planned to debut today. I am waiting for some material that has not yet arrived so please stay tuned. Here's a hint: abcd...

So, today, I'm sharing a simple, easy craft you can complete with your kiddo. My son is currently very into the Little Mermaid. He wants to live in the TV with her and dress up as a mermaid for Halloween. He also decided he wants a store that sells cars, trucks, roads, garage doors and mermaids. Just a few of his favorite things.

For this project you need:

1. washi tape. (if you are unsure just google it. It's really cute, you can buy it anywhere and it peels off of everything easily.)
2. paper
3. colored pencils
4. glue stick
5. other decorative crafty items of your choice. I used fake flowers.

washi tape. I'm cute!

Draw your basic mermaid shape. It doesn't have to look good because with any luck it will be covered up by your crafty kid. I'm pretty sure my mermaid had a uniboob and no hands. I used blue paper for the idea of water but any color will do. Go crazy. It doesn't have to be a mermaid. Draw whatever your child is obsessing about! The idea here was to stick on the washi tape like "scales" on the mermaids tail. You could use the same idea for shingles on a house, bricks in the road, whatever.

My son started adding tape all over to make eyes, a nose and mouth. I tore up some washi tape pieces for him and also let him tear his own pieces. Warning: tape pieces torn by preschoolers will be ridiculously long and stick to everything. Luckily washi tape peels right off!

He especially enjoyed using the glue stick to add flowers for hands and flowers in general. You might notice the abandoned half eaten graham cracker in the corner. Abandoned for this project. Because it was that awesome.

This was a great activity that had very little mess (if that kind of thing bothers you). The finished project is fun, imaginative and colorful.

see? mermaid drawing skills unnecessary.