c is for...

constant.

Some of the beautiful people in my life suggested some marvelous words: courageous, curious, commitment, compassion. Constant.

That word resonated with me so much. Constant, unending, continuous. Infinite.

I am always somewhere inside my head and I like to play pretend, even as an adult. Really, you should never stop because life is so much more interesting and tolerable when you bend your reality a bit. In my moments of pretend I walk around with an imaginary sound track playing in my head. It used to be a song that made me feel awesome. For a while it was the song Jeffrey Osborne's Stay With Me Tonight. Weird, I know. But just trust, this was my "walking around in college theme song" for most of my freshman year. Lately it's Cool Kids by Echosmith. 

Now the theme song in my head is not so much a song but more so my own voice. "Did I do this. Did I do that. Did I say that? Oh God, I did. Why? Why did I say that? What am I doing?"

And that voice turns into a ranting from those little bitches, the what ifs. What if no one understands what I'm saying. What if no one cares. What if no one reads it. What if no one shows up. What if I didn't create anything original. What. If. Something. Is. Wrong. With. Me."

It's constant.

The mom voice chimes in too. "I have no idea what I'm doing but pretty sure I am messing him up. Yep, I don't know anything but I'm pretty confident that I'm doing it all wrong."

As moms or simply as women - as people - I think we have all been there. Especially this introverted dark art nerd of a mama. This barrage of worry and uncertainty can feel constant.

Of course, after darkness there is light. Light does filter through my many cracks and I am filled with love, with bursts of ideas, with words that cannot wait to dash across the paper and colors that are too pretty to keep in my head.

And when my son wants constant snuggles after constant struggles that flickering light explodes into the most dazzling sunshine chasing away the storm clouds. And it stays lit up within me. Forever.

use your leftovers

Next week I will show you my letter C painting for abc's of the creative mama.

Today was all about using some leftover paint in a unique and fun way. If you attempt this at home be forewarned it is very messy. The more wild you are...the messier it will be. As in, dripping down the walls, footprints on the floor, paper towel frenzy, messy, super hot mess. 

Sound like fun?

So, I bought some acrylic kiddo friendly paint for my son and he has really enjoyed getting super grimy and making all kinds of brownish colored masterpieces. You know when all the colors get mixed together and you end up with that sludgy brown colored loveliness? Yep, that's why I take pictures of my kid painting in the beginning stages. 

Once we had used as much paint as possible I still had a bunch stuck around the edges of the containers so I cleaned them out a bit but left most of the color. I filled them up with water, shook them a lot and was left with these beauties.

Then it was time to get messy. I put a lot of plastic down in the tile entry way (all the way up the walls, seriously, it gets MESSY.) and let my son go to town spilling, pouring and dropping the paint on some watercolor paper. I recommend watercolor paper if you have it so your paper doesn't end up warped and crinkled when it's dry. 

I sacrificed a turkey baster for this project (that sounds super weird) but recommend an eye dropper or condiment bottle if you have one. If a child is doing this it might be easier to control. 

The stages were a lot of fun.

Ultimately, because the paint was very watered down and the paper was so saturated, I had to hold the paper up and let all the water run off. The final product is a surprisingly soft and pretty, pastel and hazy.

The circles are from taking the lids and stamping on the paper. And the best part for this art nerd? Because the paper sat in so much water I got two paintings in one. The reverse side is just as interesting.

If you have a little more paint to water ratio and a whole lot more control with how much you are dropping on the page you will have more vibrant colors. I had zero control because my three year old was throwing the paint, stepping in it and overall having a blast. He is starting to ask to "do art projects" with me which basically makes my heart explode with joy.

 Try different things: spoon the paint water on, use a toothbrush to flick it on, get creative. 

Oh, also be sure to pick up the plastic or whatever you use right away and get rid of the excess water... and make sure no water leaked through. You really don't want paint spot covered tile or cement floors. Been there. Or maybe you do, in that case let your abstract soul shine through, I'm definitely not judging. Have fun :-) 

b is for...

Bountiful. Abundant. Lavish in love, in beauty, in the new, in everything.

Inexhaustible. Generous. Plentiful.

Bountiful is a fabulous word for the creative mama. Women, mothers, artists, all full of larger than life feelings that explode in a shower of exuberant love for life, our children and our families. Bountiful bursting of our imaginative souls. 

I have felt this word strongly as a woman. Bountiful took on a new meaning when I became a mother, my curves filling in even more, my body growing another little soul. The feelings became enormous and they were not always the vision of glowing rosy cheeked babies buried in the breast. Sometimes the feelings were darkly full in frustration, in fear and pain and even anger.

My art is a result of an abundant well of emotions They whirl inside and fall out of me through ink, in paint and pencil, they mingle in with torn pieces of paper and so, so many words. Art speaks a language that is so full and rich, it is difficult to describe.

Thank you to my lovely friend Eileen for suggesting this beautiful word. 

Next up is C...what word would you use for the creative mama that starts with the letter C?