changes

I cut almost four inches of my hair off last Wednesday. Well, a professional did anyway, which is a good thing. It's something I typically do when I feel like I need to shake something off. I'll get some beautiful haircut or color, panic when I pay the bill, schedule an appointment to "touch up" and then inevitably cancel it, let my hair grow into this disgusting mess and then in a moment of depression and frustration run off to the first place that will take me without an appointment and cut it off/color it/make it pretty.

You know how some places are all lit up, white and blinding to showcase the beautiful people cutting hair? This place was like that and all it did was showcase my face, peering back at me unbelievably from the mirror. I literally had to look away I was so horrified.

I've been tired, run-down, circles under the eyes, can't sleep at night, sore, tired can't get anything done, drive myself crazy stressed...and I don't even have children! I don't know how you mom's out there do it...I can barely take care of myself. Anyway, I looked into the mirror while I was getting my hair cut and I couldn't believe the bloated, pasty, skin not so great, bloodshot eyed person staring back at me. I really wanted to cry. The pretty haircut looked out of place stuck on my head.

I'm turning almost 30 soon. Not 29, almost 30. I swear I actually thought I was already 29 for the last eight months. I even told people I was 29. One day I asked Jeff how old I was because I was so confused and he's like, um...you're 28. 28 going on 30 apparently.

Jenn likened my personality to a flower, something her husband has said about her... I'll just quote what she said:

"your favorite flower is the tulip and it SHOWS.  Jacob makes fun of me all the time for being like a tulip.  When things are good, I'm great.  Tall and pretty and happy.  But as soon as things get a little rough or I need a little water I flop down to the ground.  Another good example is the Gerbera Daisy.  They are so cute and pretty.  They face the sun and stand up tall, but don't forget to water them or they close up and wilt over and pout like crazy.  The funny thing is, all they need is a little attention and they pop right back up.  You, my dear, are a flower." 

During this time of stress and anxiety Jenn also sent me the perfect thing:

Thank you...I so needed that.