why do I keep hanging on?

I promised myself I would do this one kind of big thing after we moved this year...and now on the very last day of the year...done.


It's so funny because as I was in the process I was listening to my new favorite artsy mix that includes Olivia Broadfield ( I think I professed my love already, probably for this song too)


The words:


when all is lost
when all is gone
why do I keep hanging on?


just give me space
I'll give you time
why do I keep hanging on?
say you will
just hang on


I won't let you go this time


Okay, so I definitely get this is probably about a relationship but I am relating it to my art work.


I have this kind of, buildup of art you could call it. A mass of colorful, nonsensical pieces that I have stacked in my various basements/storage rooms/closets for far too long.


They do reflect my history as an artist. My growth as a painter and my shift in both technique and talent.


But they gotta go.


I started doing series of artworks a while back, a way to get myself on track and create pieces that work together in one space and are generally cohesive for me, as the artist. I have kept all of those pieces as well as the first two abstract pieces I ever did ( in all of their lime green and primary color glory) I also kept my first landscape that made me love painting. Of course there are also the various pieces given/sold to friends, family or donated to other causes...they still exist to that represent that history.


So here we go...I started with this stuff pictured below (this isn't everything, some things were damaged or not archival worthy so I scrapped those and recycled the canvas and bars.) I have also purged or re-used several things throughout the year. These were the remaining ghosts of my art graveyard that I couldn't seem to bury.

yes, that is me in all my own glory snorkeling... my senior year I chose to paint a series of snorkeling/underwater things...it was fun but why hang on to them now?

I labeled everything with sizes. my starving artist budget needs to have standard sizes for framing works...in my art student haze I stretched canvas to any size I could imagine. Anything not standard or without 1.5 inch bars that I can gallery wrap had to go. Custom framing? I wish but no thanks.

Now my pile of random work looks like this:

I am ecstatic. I actually really enjoyed slapping the gesso over everything. I am so excited to finally let go of the things that kept me hanging on. I have heard of artists burning their old canvases and while that would be very cathartic I am so glad I can create all new work that fits with my recently defined style.


See this one? I worked and re-worked this one sooo much. I never really liked it but I could never let it go.

I painted over it with white and went back in with some lighter blues and greens. It is literally ghostly and it fits perfectly with what I wanted to achieve. Now I want to hang it on my wall instead of burying it behind a bunch of half finished works.

This doesn't mean I won't touch bright colors again. (I admit I am in a blue/cool mood right now) I love color, it is the essence of what I do and what makes me happy. I love the fire and the light, the depth of a brilliant purple and vibration of colors that don't seem to fit but somehow work. But the difference is there will be unity and purpose in the work I paint for me to show and hopefully sell, and for that, I am beyond thrilled.




I will definitely see you next year. 


Love,
me.